Top Religion Fails of 2010

10 – Jessica Simpson mistakes beauty show for missionary work (via celebuzz)

Discussing the show—in which Simpson traveled the world to explore other cultures’ concepts of beauty—at the Gracies Awards in Beverly Hills on Tuesday, Ms. Chicken or Tuna likened the experience to a religious trek:
“I’m not saying I’m changing the world….It’s similar to missionary work. It was what I was called to do and called to be.”

9 – Atheists beat the religious on religion knowledge test

According to a survey conducted by the Pew Forum on Religion & Public Life, atheists and agnostics tend to know more about religion than members of most faiths, the Los Angeles Times reports. For example, most Protestants could not identify Martin Luther as the founder of the Protestant movement. Atheists took the top spot in the survey, followed by a tie between Mormons and Jews.

8 – Touchdown Jesus hit by lightning

It appears God has sacrificed his only son. Again.
A bolt struck a 62-foot-tall statue of Jesus Christ on Monday outside a church in Monroe, Ohio, and the statue erupted in flames. All that remains is a charred steel skeleton, its spindly arms stretched toward heaven, a gesture that once earned it the nickname “Touchdown Jesus.”

7 – Jeweler uses fear of the End Times to sell diamonds

Did you know the Bible predicts the day of the Lord, followed by the return of Jesus Christ to Jerusalem? As I read the daily news and look around the world, I believe we’re really close to that day. Nonetheless, here and now, if you want jewelry, I have access to millions. Diamonds and gemstones, gold, silver, watches and clocks, and I’m selling everything at 50 percent off, giving you unbelievable savings.

6 – Church members sue church when the Apocalypse does not come as planned

They want their money back, claiming they handed over more than $400,000 and $1 million respectively to the church based on lies about a doomsday scenario.

A lawyer representing both plaintiffs, David Riggall, told the hearing it was possible the suppressed case may be resolved without going to trial.

Hey, aren’t churches supposed to have some leeway on religious messages? Come on, it’s not like they’re selling you anything important, like a microwave.

Apocalypse Not-Now


5 – Pope declares that condoms make AIDS problems worse

In his first public comments on condom use, the pontiff told reporters en route to Cameroon that Aids “is a tragedy that cannot be overcome by money alone, and that cannot be overcome through the distribution of condoms, which even aggravates the problems”.

Afterwards the Pope was heard whispering to an advisor, “What’s AIDS? For that matter, what the hell are condoms?”

4 – Pope finds out what condoms are, and says they could be ok … if you’re a whore

Pope Benedict XVI has said that in special cases, such as that of prostitutes trying to prevent HIV infection

3 -Pope says gay men can’t be priests. But, if you are a gay priest, you should lie about it.

In the book, the pope also confirms that gay men, even if chaste, cannot be priests and says they should not reveal their sexual orientation if they have already been ordained.

When asked for further comment, the Pope said, “Well, … come on. We can’t get rid of all the gay priests. Where are you going to find a straight man willing to dress like this?!”

2 – Muslims pray in the wrong direction

For more than 200 million Muslims in Indonesia, Mecca just moved. Instead of facing Islam’s most holy city, a clerical error of astronomical proportions has seen the faithful directing their prayers towards Kenya and southern Somalia.

Now, just think of all those missed prayers just floating around in space


1 – Vatican declares that ordaining women would be equivalent to child rape on the sin-o-meter

It was meant to be the document that put a lid on the clerical sex abuse scandals that have swept the Roman Catholic world. But instead of quelling fury from within and without the church, the Vatican stoked the anger of liberal Catholics and women’s groups by including a provision in its revised decree that made the “attempted ordination” of women one of the gravest crimes in ecclesiastical law.

The change put the “offence” on a par with the sex abuse of minors.

In his defense, the Pope says, “What-a-you looking at me for? You knew what you were getting into!”

Come on, give me a hug, you feminist bitch!

Explore posts in the same categories: Religion Leading to Stupidity


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2 Comments on “Top Religion Fails of 2010”

  1. Any disparaging remarks toward Jessica Simpson (PBUH) is blasphemy! She belongs on a pedestal so that I can worship her (and more easily see up her dress.) I don’t care if she only brushes her teeth once a month… I’d happily sacrifice my tongue and a few million sperm cells to her divine personage.

  2. Panda Rosa Says:

    I’d still be willing to give Papa Benedict a hug!

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